Berating the troops

There's a practice in modern day business that has been borrowed from the military, a very ineffective practice often used by inexperienced leaders and supervisors. Berating the troops.

Explaining to your most senior troops all the ills they are performing, and rather than offering to help them achieve higher standards, telling them you don't believe their level of surprise or concern over their current level of achievement, is a telltale sign of someone trying to achieve a leadership role with absolutely no idea of how to go about it. This is especially common with Sergeants given a new command; those that have not had much interaction with their troops.

Rather than trying to get to know their troops, they decide that barrier needs to come up. That's fine. A level of division is not necessarily an unhealthy thing. Still, many senior troops watch as sergeant after sergeant flies by, making the same mistakes. Many a Private-First-Class goes through a slew of sergeants before themselves being made a corporal under a new command.

Any Lieutenant will tell you in these situations, the sergeant, oblivious to the situation, is under as much scrutiny and under as watchful an eye as the privates... more so, in fact. What most fail to realize is they will not accomplish the goals to improve themselves if they are adverse to the differences in personality of their troops.

Some of us in this world outlast many sergeants. And if we are content in our position, we will be joyous in times of plenty, and patient in times of tests. Hopefully, both Private-first-class and Sergeant come out improved. If not... well, Fortunately, the military isn't the only path to self-improvement.

Ode to ER

Release me from the shackles of my weeklong prison

Wing my flight into the celestial realms of relaxation and comfort

Ebb the tide of my strain and discomfort

Wash away the weariness and turmoil

Make hasten the refreshing spring of reunion with my beloved

let soar the joyous song of exhiliration and praise

Nestle me in the bosom of comfort,

And if thou canst not, at least let me ride the winds of change.

Change from a struggle day in, and day out

Until at last, the pattern has come full circle,

and I must needs return to the toil of my labours

But until then, O sweet release, come early,

And send me home from this weeklong commission

For of a certainty, it is friday,

And the longing for home is upon me




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ER is the Early release system at work that allows us to leave work early. Apparently, my ER button's broke, because there are no calls coming in, and I haven't received my e-mail yet. =p

Thoughts of the day

I just read a very touching blog from Rachel's dad about 20 minutes ago. It's the 20 year mark of the passing of his father. I'd comment further, but nothing I say here will change or do justice to the solemness of the occasion, so I'm just going to move on.

My computer's being a pain... again. That's what I get for keeping windows on it regardless of my knowledge of the reasons not to... but there are some things I just want to keep it around for. Mainly DVD shrink and gaming / video drivers.

Speaking of Gaming: I've decided I want to, at some point, make a game based on the world I'm creating for the Phoenixmage novels. It may not have to be very big, but I've got a great Idea for a system for it.

Did you ever play the old Might and Magic games? Not the Heroes of Might and Magic strategy games, but the Role-playing ones for the windows 95/98 machines? It was a turn-based Role Play system, one of the first of its kind, though the graphics were behind. It was all in First person view in a 3d world, your Four characters would all be able to fire in turn of one another while you were running or jumping or whatever as a group.

Well, that wouldn't necessarily fly today. But what I was thinking, was a turn based, 1st/3rd person view (can switch between), where you can switch between four characters. Much as with the Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic engine, (which had 3 characters), you could freeze the action and enter a turn-based mode, where you program what your characters are going to do for their next few moves. Only, What I want to create is the ability to stay (and I reccomend 1st person for this, though you may want to glance at 3rd to get a better Idea of the situation) in one view frozen, perform an action, and have the engine perform your action until the next person's initiative hits, where you are switched to THEIR perspective and the action is frozen again. Of course, NPC's will have their turn in the initiative, and all that fun stuff. If this system doesn't tickle your fancy, I suggest a trigger for an auto-program ability or AI for the characters you don't want to use. Therefore, in this engine there would be 3 methods of combat: 1.) Standard FPS (your characters are in AI mode, Much as with the Star Wars: Republic Commando games), 2.) KOTOR-style Turn based, and 3.) Might-and-Magic style turn based, where you are auto-switched between characters per-move.

Of course, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to these things, So I imagine this system with Oblivion style Graphics, and an Oblivion style map and/or Campaign.

The game would not be complete unless you had the ability to choose midway through the game whether your characters want to become Good or Evil. I suppose it's not UNHEARD OF for a Necromancer to fight with a Paladin, but... okay who am I kidding yes it is. Perhaps Good/Evil decided characters won't be able to play in the same group... or perhaps once the "party" has made a decion... hmm, we'll see.

=)

I would so love to make this game.

Video Tech-geek ramble.

Okay, I don't know if I'm just over-caffeinated or WHAT, but I feel like I've already been at work for five hours. I'm thinking about the fact that JUST before I got here I FINALLY managed to get the AVI to DVD burning properly on my computer, which is perfect because now I will be able to archive all of my old files in a digital manner that can be easily read by my home recorder. now hopefully it will also be able to easily make the book time a ROM on DVD+R's, so there is no problem with Non-recordable standard players.

And yet, now I'm TOTALLY itching to have a blue-ray recorder, now that they're only 150 bucks. NOT so much for the video, but for data archiving.

I'm jittery. It's gotta be the caffeine. (Makes me feel bad sitting next to one of my Mormon friends at work, actually). Right now all I can think about is a bloody Blue-ray burner. And get this: I don't even have a decent LCD monitor right now! I should be TOTALLY focused on that. I'm thinking just a little 20" 720p 1680×1050 monitor. Can probably swing that for 150 bucks.

Oooookay after that call that lasted half an hour I think my caffeine's starting to slow just a smidge... the world is going a more normal speed.

At any rate, I'm TOTALLY craving the ability to store 25 gig's on a single disk. My .5 terabyte external WD (that's only really like 465 gigs) just isn't doing the trick. There's just so much that I need to DO! Speaking of which, I have old school video on HI8 I need to record. GAH. I don't have a HI8 player! Mayhap I can borrow the parent's old bust camcorder and find a battery for it or something until I can digitize it. the thing hasn't worked in years, but still...

Okay Focus Cody. You have a wedding to worry about. Ice-pak the technolust. It just feels like I've FINALLY re-captured the ability to do what I wanted to do five years ago with my video, and I already feel I'm WAY far behind. I still have a ton of VHS tapes to record onto digital, and though they're mostly SLP vhs, I'm still not sure what I should do as far as the playback speed / quality balance for the DVD. I know the quality is already degraded, but how far is too far when I'm degrading the DVD's quality, too? I tried the lowest setting and it was like 3 times worse than the analog distortion. But That means I'll need like 3 DVD's per VHS tape if I don't degrade the quality. (Hence possibly part of my desire for Blue Ray recording).

GRaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Any suggestions would be helpful I suppose. Mayhap I should just video capture card and run it all into my computer for later archival, rather than the other way around. That, of course, will require a video capture card... but that can't POSSIBLY cost as much as all the DVD's I would go through to record my VHS footage properly.

*sigh*

"Dear Santa. I know it's April, but please send me 4 terabytes of storage and the means to digitize and transcode all of my archives. Sincerely, Cody."

What I don't want...

What I don't want, is to be that guy whose wife goes home after work, then makes and eats dinner alone, straightens up the apartment because she's lonely, watches some TV or putzes around on the computer, then, when I FINALLY get home, she's ready for bed.

I don't want to be that guy. I realize now if I don't changer my hours soon, that's the marriage I'm consigning her to.

Damnit if I can't sacrifice my "late" hours for her happiness. Damnit if I can't be a worthy husband for her. Damnit if I can't change the way I've lived the last five years for the woman I've asked to marry me and share my life. Otherwise, I'd deserve this hole I'm digging myself into.

I love the woman I'm going to marry. I'd do anything for her. So how then do I balance being responsible when I barely wake up in time for work as it is? I certainly can't loose my job by not showing up on time. That would negate the whole "being responsible" thing. But so would leaving her to lonely nights and single place-settings for dinner.

Looks like I'm going to become a morning person. I'd better get my S*** together soon. The wedding's in 102 days (For which I am smiling GRANDLY). Invitations are already in the mail. (Mostly, I still have a couple addresses I need to collect).

29

Spoiler alert. The first part of this is a bit whiny. The rest mildly epiphanous.
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twen⋅ty-nine: [twuhn--tee-nahyn],

n
1. The awkward transitional period ending what were supposed to be the "best years of your life", but still not yet in the realm of "thirty-something".
2. The age where it's no longer cool for you (Specifically) to do things that used to be cool for you to do.
3. A time by which you'd better have developed a stable relationship, because if you haven't... you're mentally screwed.

I'm feeling a strange emptiness. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm still living alone instead of with my soon-to-be-wife, or perhaps that's just a small part of it. ...definitely just a part of it.

That sounded wrong. I'll try it this way. A year and a half ago, I was a complete person, perfectly content with myself. Now that I feel so united with the woman I'm going to marry, and now that we're becoming one unit instead of two individuals, it's getting harder to not always have her in my daily life.

Also, Part of me misses California. Terribly. I think about the places that I, only in the last few years there, developed a fondness for. But I know it's really the friends and connections I made out there that I miss. I could be anywhere with people I know, love, and care about, and be happy.

Another part of me spent a chunk of those transitional years gaming online. (granted, that didn't go over so well with my computer crashing every 20 minutes). In many respects, it gave me an outlet, a place to converse with others with whom I had a similar personality, or shared certain interests. It gave me some connection. Since I'm not one to frequent bars like the majority of men my age, with whom I lack that in common, it was one more place I could feel like myself.

But now, everything is different. I know what it is to have that person I want to spend the rest of my life with. She wants to spend it with me. And yet we're just not THERE yet. We've scheduled a marriage we both want in a sensible time frame, but my brain doesn't seem to care about sense at the moment. I feel like we're reaching towards this line and it's stretching patience so thin... like pulling a taffy over an incredible distance. It's INCREDIBLY frustrating, not to have her here when I come home. Not to be synchronized onto the same schedule. Not to be able to talk about our common interests at night or even just have her here and both be futzing around on the computer.

God this sounds whiny.

It's not like it's anything unexpected, and it's certainly nothing I can't handle. It's just... disorienting, I suppose. I feel out of place. The fact that I turn 30 two months after our wedding (108 days to go!) makes it feel like I just want to GET ON WITH IT.

It's not the wedding I'm concerned about, I suppose. I just like to see myself as a young, fun-loving kind of guy. I guess I've been that guy for too long and I need to move on. Sometimes I feel that would be easier if they'd let me finish school already. As far as THAT goes, It's getting to the point I just want to sue everyone into oblivion. But God-D***it, I'm going back to school As soon as is HUMANLY possible. At this point, I don't even care if it's the History Masters. I just want a better piece of paper than I've got. I've seriously considered Cisco networking, but that'll be a whole new branch of my current employment field I have a lot left to learn on, but it places some good job opportunities my way. Then again, I want a career. Not a job. I often feel like the only 29 year old unsatisfied with his education and employment status, willing to change it, but hindered. I know I'm looking so many good things I have going for me when I say this, but it's so FRUSTRATING... all the work I've done thus far, amounting to what I have to show for it.

Then again.

What I have to show for it is something few others (especially in THIS state), can claim. I grew up near some of the wealthiest and most decadent people on the planet, (Lets face it, San Diego is that close to Hollywood), Moved to a third world country and grew a disdain for my own hometown, moved BACK to the states just in time to find myself whirlwinded into helping facilitate the growth of a digital revolution, and because of my "educational limbo", I had the chance to help kids grow up, learn about myself, expand my social circles, And once I'm finally truly on my own, severed from the ties of my past and ready to move forward with my life, I fall in love with a close friend of over a decade, who I'm lucky enough is as crazy about me as I am about her. She's my best friend, my confidant, and I would be so much less than I am without her.

All of that makes the piece of paper seem paltry in comparison.

The lessons of my life cannot be summed up in a masters degree. Nor can they be summed up were I to write this blog for the rest of my life. One phase of my life is ending, another is on the horizon.

Sometimes, I guess, if you're watching the horizon, it just seems it takes the sun FOREVER to finally rise on the new day.

After writing this, I now recognize my impatience is simply wishing it would get here already. Knowing now why I've been so frustrated, I can smile at my own ridiculousness, shake my head at myself, remind myself what a lucky guy I am, and look up again into the horizon, clearly anticipating my new day.

108 days left to go.

Ambition and comfort

I've often linked ambition with ruthlessness.

The more ambitious a person is, the more they seem to want to get ahead in the world. There's a hunger there - a hunger to better one's own standing. Now this is not an unhealthy thing intrinsically, indeed, we should all desire to better ourselves day in and day out. But I've discovered there are some types of standing where "betterment" is not necessarily better.

According to an old saying, Truly blessed is the man that can climb both material and spiritual ladders at the same time. But I've often wondered if climbing a material ladder allows for true spiritual growth. Indeed, it seems to my mind a spiritual man would want to either give his money to causes more worthy than himself, or perhaps invest it into a purpose that will benefit the world in some way, shape, or form. Yet in order to give this wealth in a pure-hearted manner, one must first obtain it.

Therefore, ambition seems at first glance necessary to fulfill this goal. But digging a little deeper, we find flaws with this theory.

Ambition is, if nothing else, closely intertwined with competition. In order to get ahead, you must succeed where others have failed. Regardless of how hard you have ACTUALLY worked, if your results are seen to bear more fruit than those against whom you are competing, you are ahead. Working smarter, not harder, is the key to success.

This breeds, for the strategist, opportunities in which sabotage can work in your favor. It becomes easier to get ahead if you don't care who you're stepping on. Indeed, the higher one climbs in the echelon, the more they discover that others have sabotaged their opponents already, and find themselves now amongst bitter, ruthless competition.

How often is it the person who desired to change the world for the better and climbed to the top to do so, found themselves destroying the very principles they once found motivating them? How often did they turn around and realize they had become what they desired to compete against? Or worse, how often have they NOT realized it?

On the flip side of the coin, I see the comfortable. Those who are content in who they are, what they are, and what they have in life. They may not have everything they want, but they are happy with what they have... most often, they have found a satisfaction in which their employment status, or material gain, or social circles have come secondary to the core of who they are. I generally see the blue collar worker who feel they make a difference in the daily lives of others in this category: The teacher. The nurse. The construction worker. From the laborer at the recycling plant to the secretary at the business office, these people, though they desire (and very often deserve) recognition for their work, often find not only is the work in some way satisfying, but they also have other satisfactions outside, a life in which the need to be calculating in one's upward climb comes secondary to the need to be at home with their loved ones, or at play with their friends, or at study in their betterment of themselves.

These I see as the content. The comfortable. Don't get me wrong, such a way of life in and of itself requires a constant battle against the natural inertia that drives us as individuals to idleness and sloth, (A battle the ambitious are often unaware they are fighting as they scramble frantically up their ladders), but there are worse battles to fight, especially if one derives satisfaction from what they do every day, or from the goals they are working to obtain... or perhaps from simply keeping their children well-fed and educated, moving towards a life better than the one they themselves had.

Perhaps you agree with me. Perhaps you see my point of view as simple, maybe quaint; Or perhaps you read this and think I lack a healthy motivation. Most, I imagine, will not read this or consider it at all. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I write this not out of any desire to promote myself or force my view upon others, I write this to express myself, in part, I suppose, out of a healthy satisfaction of who I am.

Again, do not mistake me. If a large sum fell into my lap, I would do my best to better myself, my loved ones, and the world with it as I see fit. Perhaps it is purely my lack of ambition that keeps this from happening. Perhaps it's the wisdom, mercy, and grace of a power greater than myself that keeps me from failing tests I do not have the capacity to pass that keeps me from becoming what I hope never to become. Then again, maybe I'm simply not among the lucky. Regardless of the reason, the case remains. I am in this situation, and I feel I am making the best of it by being content with what I have. I try to be generous in times of plenty, patient in times of difficulty, and rather I seek to better myself in seeking the best life I can live, preparing for something greater than this life.

Perhaps, that, then, is the ambition of the comfortable.